Friday, June 6, 2014

Crap confessions...

Let me tell you how this situation almost always goes down.

You have just fixed the perfect cup of coffee...stirred in all the right flavorings, a little sugar...some creamer, and it is just reaching that temperature of perfection for your own personal palate...you know, not too hot to burn, but just hot enough to feel it tingle all the way down your esophagus.  Perfection!

Just when you think life can't possibly get any better, you realize that there is a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC.  You grab your favorite fluffy blanket (the one that is long enough to wrap around your feet, AND reach all the way up to your neck) that is folded nicely next to your chair and get cozy.  You pull up the handle on your recliner and get settled in for a few minutes of peace and quiet and trash TV.  Oh, I forgot to mention that your children are nicely playing together in a bedroom. 

Peace.

Perfection in a cup.

Coziness under a blanket.

A girl is just about to pick her favorite dress and say "YES..."

Yep, life is good....perfect coffee, marathon on TLC, and that blanket that feels as if it has fallen from Heaven.  

Nothing can go wrong at this moment that can possibly mess up this current flow of awesomeness.  

Nothing I tell ya.

Nothing EXCEPT hearing these 4 words, "MOM, the toilet's clogged!!!"

CRAP!!!!

I'm talking peace and tranquility, to plunger-toting ninja mom in 2.2 seconds flat.  At the very moment you hear those 4 words, it is like the entire world stops spinning and the sprint to the bathroom is automatic...grabbing the plunger along the way. 

No one can stop you.

You are in the zone.

Oh Dear Jesus, you pray, on your way into the bathroom...please don't let the water be spilling out like Niagara Falls!!!  Please Jesus!

Your first instinct is to just go in and start plunging with maximum force, but you remember to reach for the cut off valve against the wall...you MUST stop all of the water from rushing in...it is life or death at this point.  I'm pretty sure this is the exact point in which you have a small out of body experience and silently thank your mama for making you take swimming lessons 30 years ago.  I mean, you could actually drown in your own bathroom for Heaven's sake.  These overflows are super dangerous.

You have GOT to focus on the task at hand.  

...and you begin to plunge like you are trying to give chest compressions to a heart attack victim.  Thank goodness you watch the show "The Doctors" because they instructed you to do compressions to the song "Staying Alive" and this technique is sure to save the toilet, and your entire house from this run over disaster.  So now, you are playing that song in your head, doing your plunger compressions, and all of a sudden, WHATEVER was clogging the toilet gives up, and decides to follow the path of all of the excrement before it.  Shew!!!!

The water is receding.

Praise Jesus!!!

We will all live to see another day.

Now, back to the living room to resume your previous task of tranquility you were so diligently trying to achieve.  

Crap.

Your coffee is now cold.

Your blanket has been swiped by a crumb snatcher.

Your TV has been turned from TLC to some Disney mess.

And why you may ask????

Because.
Of.
CRAP!!!

XOXO,
the Laundry Fairy



6 comments:

  1. Ha! Been there, done that. Well, maybe not that specific show... probably Swamp People instead, but still... I've definitely been there and done that. Hilarious.

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  2. I hated the fact that I had "low flow" toilets put in my house, but I can tell you that they will not overflow. They get clogged, but will not overflow.

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  3. I can't even begin to tell you the toys that have clogged our toilets in years past when the kids were younger...I'm not going to go there, lol. There is nothing that gets you moving any quicker than the threat of that water rising to the rim!! One of my greatest accomplishments has been teaching my son the art of plunging...he has been beneficial on more than one occasion.

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  4. Bwhahahaha!! This happens to me WAY too often! I have a constipated child in the house! You can read all about it on my blog! http://lifeofadramaqueensmomma.blogspot.com/2014/07/well-thats-just-poops.html

    Thanks so MUCH for linking up on #BlogDiggity today!! I hope to see you again next week! I just LOVED reading this!

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    1. Thanks so much for the love! I am going to go check out your blog post right now!

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  5. Gosh, it's like you live in my house. Ever since my downstairs toliet over flowed and ruined much of my finished basement I freak about stopped up toliets. Unfortunately I have to plunge at least once weekly!

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