Bathroom Pet Peeves of a Parent

There is nothing in the world quite like a nice hot shower, or a fabulous soak in the tub.  Is it?  Oh, you don't remember???  

You must be a parent, am I right?

Let me refresh your memory.  

BEFORE you had children, you could take a shower or a bath ANYTIME of the day.... uninterrupted.  If you think really hard, you can remember how nice it felt to have your favorite soap lathered up on your skin.  Ahhh, that smell of your favorite scent of expensive bath salts.  Remember how great it was to wash your hair and have time for the conditioner to sit on there for 2 minutes before you rinsed?  Let me take you back even further...remember when you had time to shave your ENTIRE leg....WITH a nice, creamy shaving gel???  

Time passes, and you become a parent.  You are truly blessed, beyond measure really....but you miss that alone time in the bathroom.

The days of showering alone are GONE.

The days of peeing alone are LONG GONE.

But those things you can kind of get used to after awhile of being a parent.  I mean, you become immune to the stares as you sit upon the throne.  You almost expect the shower curtain to be pulled back at least twice as you are trying to bathe.  If it doesn't happen, then you start to worry which kid has killed the other...because quiet children usually means there is trouble brewing. 

I've been doing this parenting thing for over 12 years now, and I haven't had many alone moments in the bathroom since.

Here is a list of bathroom pet peeves since becoming a parent:

1.  POLLY POCKET.  I don't like the creepy way she stares at me from the corner of the tub.  It's almost as if she is sizing me up, laughing at me.  It makes me just want to pop her little head off.  Instead of choosing violence, I just turn her around so she faces the wall.  Creepy!

2.  BARBIE.  Just as bad as the little Polly Pocket doll, there is the ever smiling Barbie.  She is positioned on the edge of the tub....with her unrealistically perfect body.  That girl hasn't aged a darn bit.  Barbie, with her perfect hair and stylish bathing suit...looks like the cover girl for Sports Illustrated....and SHE is staring at me as I shower.  I mean, get a life Barbie?  Don't you have a mansion or airplane you would rather be at?  Shouldn't she be out on a date with Ken and NOT in my shower?  

3.  BEVERAGES.  Just the other day, there was an empty 12 oz. can of soda in the corner of the shower.  This week, there is an empty 20 oz. screw top in there.  Before I had children, I NEVER had such things surrounding me while I showered.  Apparently, somebody was thirsty.  Whatever.

4.  HOT-WHEEL CARS.  You know, those things hurt when you step on them...and they kinda move, quickly,  making you do a split in the shower.  This body of mine isn't capable of doing a split, unless it is a direct result from stepping on top of a miniature version of the General Lee...in a puddle of water.  It is a wonder I haven't completely killed myself at times.

5.  BAND-AIDS.  If you are a parent, then there really isn't any need for me to elaborate on this.  But, for those of you who aren't blessed to be a parent, let me fill ya in.  Kids will remove band-aids while in the tub and totally use them as stickers all on the shower walls.  This totally grosses me out.  Gag.

6.  EXPENSIVE SOAP.  Once you have kids, your liquid soap supply will skyrocket.  And by "skyrocket" I totally mean that they will squirt about 3/4 of a bottle out per bath.  And if you think I am kidding, I am NOT.  So, your nice, expensive soap that you used to love....well, tell it goodbye, because you will no longer be able to support their habit.  I suggest going bulk, and cheap.  Oh, and hide your own personal supply under lock and key if you are intent upon using it.  Kids "borrow" and destroy a bottle of Bath and Body Works soap in 2.8 seconds.  

7.  SALON GRADE SHAMPOO.  Just do me a favor and read #6 again.  Insert shampoo where you see the word "soap" and there you have it.

8.  SHAVING GEL.  Do yourself a favor this time, and don't even bother to purchase it.  If you do buy it, one of 2 things will happen.  Either the kids will find it and use it to draw all over the shower walls....or, you just plain won't have enough time alone in the shower to actually use it for it's intended purpose.  Save yourself some money and just get a nice razor and go for it with water alone.  

9.  PUDDLES.  Go ahead and set aside a few extra thousand dollars in an account just for replacing your bathroom floor every few years.  Trust me on this one, I don't care how many rugs and towels you use to cover the floor, it WILL get wet.  It WILL rot.  There will be more water outside the tub than inside the tub, and this will be a frequent occurrence.  You will wonder how they do it.  You will never figure it out.  Just start saving now.  You are welcome.  

10.  HOT WATER.  Forget about taking a hot shower or bath EVER again.  It doesn't matter if you have ONE kid or 6, you will run out of hot water.  Most of it will end up on the floor, lol, how about that irony?  


So, I leave you today to ponder the wonders of children, and bathrooms.  How do they do it?  How will us parents survive?  I don't know.  

In the meantime, I hope you can take a nice, long, uninterrupted, HOT shower.

Love, 
the Laundry Fairy