Imaginary Margaritas

You know the saying, "If you can't go to Mexico, then just bring Mexico to you!"?

Well, I don't know it either, because I just totally made that mess up...but go along with me here.  

My dear neighbors have decided to add on a sunroom to the front of their house, AND a new deck.  I'm probably just as excited as they are.  I mean, I can't afford a sunroom, but the fact that I get to live so close to someone who can, well, that just makes me happy.  And, maybe when they are gone out of town, I can slip on over and enjoy that new deck...I'm sure my neighbors won't mind a bit.  And, as long as I have a lookout at the intersection down the street (to alert me of the goings and comings of my neighbors) then no foul, no harm, right?  

Maybe.

This morning, I awoke to the most lovely of sounds.  Construction has officially began!!   It was that of saws cutting through 2 x 4's, and the wonderful sounds of the air compressor...and then an occasional hammer bang.  Ahh, the sounds of progress!!  I love it!  This means I am one day closer to sitting on my new de-....I mean...my neighbors new deck.  

Beyond the sounds of the hard working construction crew, I could hear the unmistakable sounds of Mexican music....yeah baby!!!  It was a full fledge Mexican throw down going on next door with power tools!!!  I couldn't understand a word of the music, but it certainly made me feel like I had fallen smack dab into the world of an instant fiesta.  I mean, slap on a sombrero and call me "Rosita" because this chick was in Heaven for sure.  That kind of Heaven that is present south of the boarder...margaritas, Coronas, pinatas, chips and salsa...could they really be having such fun??

Maybe.

I quickly made my way downstairs to get a peek at all of this construction fiesta stuff that was surely going down next door...and I was right!  There was definite happiness all over those worker's faces.  I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact I was in my jammies, and perusing around my own deck gazing over at their progress.   The looked happy, but there was no margaritas...no Coronas...even no chips and salsa!!!  They were totally partying with that music though.  I'm going to be honest with you when I say that the Duwalt construction radio is going to give Bose a run for their money one day.  When that happens, I am going to say, "I told you so!"  They were rocking it out...and it was a beautiful thing to watch.  It was as if they were working to the beat of the music.  Those workers from the south surely know how to entertain people with their skills.  I hope they come back tomorrow to work...and bring me some authentic food from their house...like some enchiladas...or a chalupa...or maybe even some fresh tacos de carne asada...you think they take orders?

Maybe.

Anyway, this is how I spent my morning.  I sat out on my deck and closed my eyes.  I "pretended" I had gone on vacation to Mexico.  Since I already live on a river, surely it wouldn't take me much imagining to get me to Mexico.   I imagined I was on some secluded island down off of the coast of Cancun, and the "locals" were playing live music behind me at some fabulous little bar that has unlimited margaritas.  It was so vivid I could almost feel the warm, white sand beneath my feet, and running between my toes.  The waves were crashing and the sun was kissing my skin...that fabulous sea breeze was blowing through my hair and cooling me down.  In a distance I could see a cabana boy heading in my direction with one of those fresh "bottomless" margaritas...

Just as it was getting good, and my imagination was starting to get really out of control...it was time for my little construction friends to take a lunch break.  And they had the nerve to turn off that fabulous Mexican music.  Seriously???

Crap.

My getaway to Cancun came to a screeching halt.  Now, the only thing I could hear was the sound of my dryer buzzing to tell me it was time to fold clothes again.  

We all know it is "No Fold Friday" around here...so, do you think I folded any clothes???

Maybe.

XOXO,
the Laundry Fairy ;)

....

Crap confessions...

Let me tell you how this situation almost always goes down.

You have just fixed the perfect cup of coffee...stirred in all the right flavorings, a little sugar...some creamer, and it is just reaching that temperature of perfection for your own personal palate...you know, not too hot to burn, but just hot enough to feel it tingle all the way down your esophagus.  Perfection!

Just when you think life can't possibly get any better, you realize that there is a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC.  You grab your favorite fluffy blanket (the one that is long enough to wrap around your feet, AND reach all the way up to your neck) that is folded nicely next to your chair and get cozy.  You pull up the handle on your recliner and get settled in for a few minutes of peace and quiet and trash TV.  Oh, I forgot to mention that your children are nicely playing together in a bedroom. 

Peace.

Perfection in a cup.

Coziness under a blanket.

A girl is just about to pick her favorite dress and say "YES..."

Yep, life is good....perfect coffee, marathon on TLC, and that blanket that feels as if it has fallen from Heaven.  

Nothing can go wrong at this moment that can possibly mess up this current flow of awesomeness.  

Nothing I tell ya.

Nothing EXCEPT hearing these 4 words, "MOM, the toilet's clogged!!!"

CRAP!!!!

I'm talking peace and tranquility, to plunger-toting ninja mom in 2.2 seconds flat.  At the very moment you hear those 4 words, it is like the entire world stops spinning and the sprint to the bathroom is automatic...grabbing the plunger along the way. 

No one can stop you.

You are in the zone.

Oh Dear Jesus, you pray, on your way into the bathroom...please don't let the water be spilling out like Niagara Falls!!!  Please Jesus!

Your first instinct is to just go in and start plunging with maximum force, but you remember to reach for the cut off valve against the wall...you MUST stop all of the water from rushing in...it is life or death at this point.  I'm pretty sure this is the exact point in which you have a small out of body experience and silently thank your mama for making you take swimming lessons 30 years ago.  I mean, you could actually drown in your own bathroom for Heaven's sake.  These overflows are super dangerous.

You have GOT to focus on the task at hand.  

...and you begin to plunge like you are trying to give chest compressions to a heart attack victim.  Thank goodness you watch the show "The Doctors" because they instructed you to do compressions to the song "Staying Alive" and this technique is sure to save the toilet, and your entire house from this run over disaster.  So now, you are playing that song in your head, doing your plunger compressions, and all of a sudden, WHATEVER was clogging the toilet gives up, and decides to follow the path of all of the excrement before it.  Shew!!!!

The water is receding.

Praise Jesus!!!

We will all live to see another day.

Now, back to the living room to resume your previous task of tranquility you were so diligently trying to achieve.  

Crap.

Your coffee is now cold.

Your blanket has been swiped by a crumb snatcher.

Your TV has been turned from TLC to some Disney mess.

And why you may ask????

Because.
Of.
CRAP!!!

XOXO,
the Laundry Fairy

It's Summer Break Eve...Seriously!!

Greetings to you my fellow laundry engineers...this day has finally come!!

It happens every single year...the 179th day of school is finally over!!  It's the official "Summer Break Eve" around my house, and we couldn't be happier.  Sure, the crumb snatchers are happy, but I am seriously thrilled.

Seriously.

You see, I enjoy having my little people home!!  It makes me a little sad to watch them pile out of the truck in the mornings and walk into the doors of the school.  I love it when occasionally one of them will actually look back, give me a grin, a wave, or even blow a kiss (only my girls do this) to me.  It is sweet, and I try not to take those moments for granted.  It is very apparent that my children are growing at an alarming rate...and it kind of makes me sad.  Who am I kidding, really sad.

Seriously.

So, at this very moment, the three little people that totally own my heart are safe, and snug, and happy...and enjoying a movie as the rain pours down outside.  These are the times that I LOVE the most.  "Johnny Cash" is sprawled out on the couch.  Just looking at him makes me nostalgic these days.  You see, he will be turning twelve in just 3 days...Lord have mercy!!!  How did that happen.  I can remember him as an infant, swaddled all up, and laying in the crack between the cushions on the couch...and I'm not joking when I say it seems like about 6 months ago.  Now he takes up the entire length of the couch, and when he gets up and leaves the room, the scent of Axe is left in his path.  Oh, how I love THAT boy!!!!

Seriously.

My middle child, "Chatty Cathy" is curled up in the recliner...her dirty little feet thrown over the arm ever so perfectly.  You see, the first thing she does when she gets out of school is kick off her shoes, and freely runs around the yard, leaving a complete dust trail.  She is my adventurer, my cuddle bug, and one of the best friends you will ever have...she truly has never met a stranger.  She loves to play hard and rest even harder, lol.  This little gem will be 10 in August...I can't even fathom that she will be in the double digits.  Say it isn't so!!!  I sure do love THAT girl!!!

Seriously.

My youngest child, "Olive Oil" is actually the second half of my middle child.  You see, this little sweetie is what I like to call my "bonus baby."  My hubs and I really hit the jackpot with our second pregnancy, because we got the best gift ever...twins!!  As we are hanging out watching the movie, she makes a perfect "nest" in the floor...blankets, pillows, and more blankets!!  This child is full of wit, and she cracks me up on a daily basis.  She is the smallest by stature and weight, but surely eats the most...she can even out eat my son.  It is unbelievable.  As she sits, surrounded by a big bag of chips...and has already informed me she would be eating ice cream when she finishes those.  I absolutely love THAT girl!!!

Seriously.

So, tomorrow is the BIG day...it's the final day of school.  I am going to attempt to spare my children any unnecessary embarrassment by breaking out in song and dance in the carpool line tomorrow afternoon, but I'm not going to make any promises.  Sometimes I just can't help myself.  What I can promise you is that this Summer vacation will rock...we will stay up late...we will have bon fires...we will travel...we will see new things and new places...we will eat new things...we will meet new people...we will make some awesome memories.

Seriously.

Here's what I know:

1.  If you feed children, they will grow at an alarming rate...so I suggest maybe an every other day feeding schedule (just kidding!!!)

2.  If your son insists on wearing Axe body spray and or deodorants, you must insist that they keep it to one single scent at the time.  

3.  Too many different scents of Axe worn on a body at once will indeed give you a headache (see #2 above).

4.  The days are long, but the years are short...no kidding....enjoy your kids if you are blessed enough to have them. 

Love,
The Laundry Fairy

Adventures in the School Cafeteria

I have to admit, the last week of school is probably more exciting to me than my children.  I've had my own personal countdown to Summer vacation for quite some time now.  Unlike some parents, I actually look forward to having NO schedules and a house full of children every day.  I like it, I thrive on it...it truly makes me happy.

That being said, this week seems to be creeping by.  I am talking "snail pace!" You know how it is when you are in the car trying to get to a fabulous destination...and time just seems to stand still?  Well, that's how it has been for me this week.  It is only Wednesday folks!!  Come on Friday, get a move on, and just come on already!

Just like many of the other super parents I know, I began this school year on top of things, willing to help and volunteer, eager to assist in homework when needed, and gave it my all when it came to helping my kids study for tests.  Each passing week that has gone by, my eagerness has declined.  To be honest, the only thing getting me through this week, is the promise that Friday is indeed coming, and it will all finally come to an end.

You know that "Monday folder" that comes at the start of every week, filled with the work your wonderful child has done the previous week?  You know it, it is filled with some disheveled papers, probably meticulously marked, and you have to sign it acknowledging you have checked out their work...well, I've kinda been over it for weeks now.  I just sign it, take the stack, and stack them up on top of one another on the counter.  This mama is running out of school fizzle.  I apologize, but I just can't help it.  I am sure after a Summer of recharging my batteries, I will be supermom (school version) again in the Fall.

This morning, I woke up as usual and stumbled down the stairs to wake the kids and get the morning routine going.  All was going just great, until I stood at the kitchen counter and stared up at the cabinet that contains all of the lunch box making stuff.  I reached for the bread, untied the wrapper, and just as I stuck my hand inside the bag to retrieve the 6 slices of bread for the sandwiches, I decided that my heart wasn't in it.  After 177 days of fixing lunch boxes for 3, I am done.  That's a total of about 531 lunches...and a TON of sandwiches.  Sure, it would be easier if my 3 crumb snatchers liked the same kind of sandwiches, but that's not the case.  You see, "Johnny Cash" prefers Miracle Whip (I know, total disappointment, and worthy of a blog post all in itself!) on his ham and cheese, with a dash of pepper...and "Olive Oil" prefers Dukes on her turkey and cheese....and "Chatty Cathy" only likes ham and cheese, crust off, with nothing else on it.  That's a lot of "thinking" on my part in the morning, and I'm pretty sure my brain has just started to shut down.

So, I closed the bread back up, and announced to the crumb snatchers that today there would be NO lunch boxes...and if they were lucky, maybe I would show up at lunch time with something hot and fresh from our local grill up town.  Like any good mother would, I set my alarm so I wouldn't forget to actually go to town and deliver the lunches.  I am good like that....sometimes, lol.

There is nothing like showing up at the lunch room with bags of food, that suddenly makes you all kinds of popular with kids of all ages.  If you haven't tried it at your own child's school, I strongly encourage you to do so.  That being said, be prepared for everything your naive ears are about to hear at the table full of 4th and 6th graders.  I may be 36, but I always learn something new while in the school cafeteria.  Oh, the things you will overhear about who is "going out" with whom...amongst the 12 year olds.  I mean, where exactly are they "going out" to??  Whatever!  Then there is the whole, I "dare you" game amongst the 6th grade boys...that is a pleasure to be present to watch.

I "dare you" to mix your chocolate milk in your mashed potatoes and eat it.

I "dare you" to mix the cabbage with the BBQ sauce and lick it.

This game goes on pretty much the entire 25 minutes of lunch.  I am in awe of the wasted food.  It is always interesting how they totally trash their school bought meals and then go purchase a bag of chips and that's the only thing they actually eat.

Then there is that one kid, that likes to sit close to me whenever I join my own children for lunch.  You know him, the one that has the IQ of a genius and the common sense of a grasshopper.  Yeah, that one.  You have seen him...he felt it necessary to tell me all about the layers of the atmosphere...ALL of the layers.  Apparently, I can fake the "I'm really interested" face well.

Then there is the "class clown."  I am sure you all know of him well, too.  He's cracking jokes, he's picking on all of his "followers" that are so cleverly positioned around him at the table.  Yeah, he is totally working his own little crowd at the other end of the table.  He is obviously missing some much needed attention at his own home, but I guess I am glad he is getting some at school.

My son "Johnny Cash" is getting to the age where I am not so sure that he actually enjoys my company over school lunch any more.  I mean, I have NO doubt that he totally enjoyed the lunch I delivered, but I sure hope my actual presence didn't embarrass him.  It is hard to tell sometimes.  But between the "class clown" and the "genius" entertaining us all, I didn't really have much time to talk to him.  His lunch time is short, and it wasn't long before it was time to clean up their table and head back off to class.  Do you know what my handsome son did???  He got up and hugged his mama and gave me a kiss on my cheek...guess I didn't embarrass him after all!

So, here's to hoping that my lunch box making skills make a drastic turn for the better tomorrow, and that I am actually capable of fixing sandwiches.  Only TWO more days to go.

TWO more days...

Things I KNOW:

1.  The best way to make a new friend, or keep an old one, is to bring them food, lol.

2.  Children are interesting, especially over lunch, and cafeteria food doesn't help.

3.  Mixing foods together to make some kind of gross "soup" is just plain nasty.

4.  If you haven't ever joined your child for lunch, DO IT...you will be glad you did!

5.  Bringing M&M's and Hershey bars along with lunch always scores you cool mama points.

6.  Time truly flies by during the school year....right up until the LAST week...then it is a race against the snail to the finish line.

In the meantime, keep your heads up...school is almost out, and we will make it to the end!!!

We have totally got this my fellow Laundry Engineers!!!

Love,
The Laundry Fairy

Snooze Button Shenanigans

Let me set the scene for you.

I was skipping through a wildflower filled meadow...everywhere I looked was the beauty of nature.  Colorful flowers...trees gently swaying in the wind...the sky an absolutely gorgeous shade of blue...puffy clouds slowly forming into shapes...and the smell of sweet honeysuckle was all around me.  In a distance, I see what looks like a box.  As I get closer, I realize it is a small refrigerator.  Weird, but go with me here.  I skip on over to the fridge, open the door, and WHAM....filled to the brim with nothing but ice cold Diet Mt. Dew!!  I must be in Heaven, I just know it.  What in the world have I done to possibly deserve all of this fabulousness???  Who knows?  And truly, who cares?  I mean, I have nothing but sunshine and Diet Mt. Dew...so I grab some Dew and run.

I'm not sure where I was running to, but I just know it was lovely.  My eyes were filled with beauty, and my hands with cold refreshing Dew.  Oh, in a distance I see a human figure...and as I get closer, I can see that it is of the male species...is it my hubs?  Luke Bryan?  Channing Tatum?  I must run faster to see...then...out of the blue...

BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ...

Crap, that stupid alarm is going off!!!  Right when the Diet Dew was about to get acquainted with the male species in the distance!!!

Crap.

No problem, I will just simply do a quick roll over, one strategic swat with my hand, and smack that little tiny snooze button and buy myself 9 more sweet minutes in that meadow.

Oh yeah, I'm going to have my own personal Dew Fest just as soon as I fall back into that deep slumber that my stupid alarm so rudely interrupted!  It's on...

So, back at the meadow, I am stomping on all of the wild flowers as I run towards the shadow of a man.  I am so excited to see who it is!  The Diet Dew is flowing, and my feet have never moved faster, or more purposeful.  Oh look! I think I can finally make out who it is....just a little closer, and...

BUZZ...BUZZ...BUZZ...

Crap, the snooze is over.  Who was that man?

Crap.

My dream has come to an official end.

However, I do have cold Diet Mt. Dew in my fridge...

Here's what I know:

1.  Dreams are sometimes good.

2.  Alarm clocks have terrible timing (most of the time).

3.  Diet Mt. Dew is ALWAYS good.

4.  Snooze buttons are awesome.

5.  It is amazing how you can perfectly hit that snooze button in the complete darkness, with one swat of your hand, with your eyes still closed, and your body half asleep.


Wishing you detergent dreams,
-the Laundry Fairy

Down and Dirty...Laundry Style

We've all got problems, especially us...the "Chief Engineer's of Laundry."  Let's face it, any woman who is blessed enough to have children (or a husband for that matter) is going to encounter laundry problems.  I don't mean problems such as stains, or rips, or an occasional button that has popped off...I mean the real problem...those hampers are NEVER empty.  It must be nice to have a "Laundry Fairy" to just take care of all of your laundry needs.  My family lives under a complete delusion that this fairy exists...and I continue to fly under the radar with my wings made from fabric softener sheets, and my cape smelling highly of Tide detergent.  That's right, I AM THE LAUNDRY FAIRY!!

Let's back it up a little bit and be honest with ourselves, if WE didn't do the laundry, then who would?  NOBODY, that's right!!  Yep, my hubs would most definitely swing on by the Wally World on his way home and simply purchase himself new socks, underwear, and whatever else he needed.  My kids would probably keep re-wearing their clothes until the smells become unbearable...then they would simply be happy becoming nudists.  Apparently, the washer and dryer have some kind of secret FBI-like technology attached to the knobs that only respond when I place my hand upon it.  Nobody in my house can seem to figure out how to run a load of laundry, so I fight this fight alone...just me against Mt. Laundria.  It is a climb like no other...and just when I feel like I am reaching the summit, one of my kids tosses a pair of dirty underwear in my direction.

IT NEVER ENDS....NEVER!

I would like to think that one day some fabulous technology will just take care of all of this laundry...all by itself.  Who am I kidding, I would just appreciate it if my hubs and crumb snatchers could simply find the hamper all by themselves.  They seem to be very accomplished in finding the floor...wherever they may be when the desire strikes to undress.  Yeah, they are excellent at that!  The actual act of "picking up and placing into the hamper" is a  motor skill that needs sharpening in this current generation of young people.   

In the meantime...I'm just going to be perfectly honest with you...

The climb is real, and it is tough, it is smelly, it is dirty, and it is seldom appreciated (unless my hubs actually runs out of clean clothes).  Nobody ever said it was going to be easy...or that it was going to be worth it in the end, but somehow, I like to think I am helping society, one clean sock at a time.  

Here is what I know...

1.  The struggle is real.
  
2.  The job sucks.  

3.  Being "Chief Engineer of Laundry" is a crappy job.

4.  Skid marks sometimes require 2 rounds in the washer.

5.  Chewing gum doesn't wash well...or dry well for that matter...UGH!

6.  Crayons don't wash or dry well either.

7.  Ammunition can be washed and dried without killing anyone (my son "Johnny Cash" likes to leave all kinds of things in his pocket...see #5-6 above)

8.  Any amount of cash or change found in the dryer mysteriously disappears and is NOT returned to it's potential owner (The Laundry Fairy really enjoys tips, just saying...).

9.  There is not one thing truly "magical" about being the actual "fairy."

10.  I am blessed to have a healthy family that continues to keep the Laundry Fairy in business.



So, I will proudly continue wearing my wings and my cape, and I promise to keep climbing even though I KNOW in my heart, I will truly never conquer Mt. Laundria...let's stick together ladies, and keep climbing!